I’ve probably posted this before, but it bears repeating.

See, women are told from birth that men can’t help themselves. They just can’t resist. Girls and women are supposed to control their appetites, their body odors, their excretions, their facial expressions, their words, their sexual cravings. Men and boys? Can do whatever the fuck they want. Guys who eat as much as they like, burp, sweat, use impolite phrasing, and have sex when and how they please are neither reprimanded nor socially punished; often, in fact, they are glorified. And men who rape? Are usually just “boys being boys.”

Here’s the thing: nothing makes rape happen except a rapist. Not being drunk, not wearing “slutty” clothes, not walking home alone, not leaving your drink momentarily out of sight, not being passed out, not agreeing to some sexual acts but not others, not retracting agreement in the moment. Men are capable of resisting these opportunities to rape, because rape is not about sex, it’s not about pleasure — it is about control.

The threat of violence is a universal experience for women and queer people. It binds us together. And the organization of our lives according to a rape schedule is not easy; it takes mental effort. And it starts early — I remember being concerned about sexual assault as early as 11 years old, and planning my route to the subway accordingly. Can you imagine what we might use that brainspace for? There are so many other beautiful, fascinating and lovely thoughts that might fill the space that we are forced to reserve for violence prevention. Men do not have to negotiate the constant threat of violence in the same way as women; their minds are unburdened by how to prevent attacks — and prove that such attacks were not their own fault.

(This is just an excerpt; the entire piece can be read at the source.)

I initially had a rather long-winded commentary on this, but I’ll spare you the bulk of it and leave you with two comments:

1. I am all too aware that men can and do suffer from rape and sexual assault, but I agree with the author that it is women who are at the center of the rape culture, and that it is women who are trained from childhood to be aware that they could be sexually assaulted and taught various methods to prevent it, when…

2. …really, the only reason people are raped is because of the rapist(s). The person most responsible for preventing a rape or sexual assault from occurring is the rapist him- or herself; JUST DON’T FUCKING DO IT. And since most rapes are not of the stranger-in-the-bushes or “bed intruder” variety, if you feel like having sex and the other party does not give consent, that’s it. You stop. Consent is pretty straightforward, and “no” really does mean “no.”

Also, another plug for RAINN; there’s still one more week to donate and to have your gift matched.